As a child, I never really wished to hurry up and become an adult because i didn’t like the adults – always feeling like they controlled everything but i knew I was going to grow into one someday and I thought I had prepared for it. When I was turning twenty, a weird kind of fear gripped me, I thought K, you’re getting old, what have you even achieved in your life so far? Answer? I’ve got none for that. Now After twenty, I’m getting used to the idea of being adult and frankly, I’m so not liking it one bit. It’s not like a lot of amazing things happened to me while I was a toddler (I can’t seem to remember much though), now I can see a clear difference in how I’ve been living my life.
First, As an adult, I have become very prone to worrying, this is one thing I won’t mind getting rid of even if it’ll take me to switch my adulthood for anything else. Fear eats at my heart daily. Procrastination has become my best friend. I’m no longer sure of what step I should take or what next to do. I even fear if what I’ve done will have the right effect on the present and in the future. I’m scared of everything but yet it feels like i fear nothing. I have no memory of such thoughts as a child, I still wonder what went wrong.
Second, As an adult, the smiles and laughter are not so real. I could remember how people told me how I laughed so beautifully and happily. Someone once asked me why I’m always smiling and my younger sister comments on how I smile in my sleep! But now, I remember myself being told I frown a lot but that’s mostly because I’m thinking a lot and about a lot of things. When I laugh these days, it doesn’t really come from me or maybe I’m not just happy but I don’t want to accept that yet.
Next, Did I ever feel like a confused person back then? not really, I was sure of everything as long as I planned it. But now? Nothing ever goes as planned, this has affected me so much. In fact the first time I lost my way was the beginning of my fall.
I don’t know what to do about it anyway, but I’m going to try to be more positive than negative and live a more fulfilling life, I want to tell good stories by my next birthday, I really want to achieve something. I pray I get there for this road I’m on is quite unstable.
Just me ranting
photo credit :google